What my Christmas card said this year: “Sending Christmas cheer from a new home this year. “
What it should have said: “Sending Christmas cheer through tears this year.”
December has been rough. 2016 in general was rough.
2016 had a few great moments, (we got our house in the country, we added a new dog to the family and my little bro got engaged to a fabulous girl!) but I'm kinda glad to see 2016 come to an end, as 2016 was also the year my world lost two of the most amazing people. I shed a lot of tears this year, many during the end of March and beginning of July when we lost my grandma and grandpa, but I think I’ve shed more this last month.
I cried putting up my Christmas tree because I couldn’t find the box that held my grandma’s angel topper. I cried when I heard this song on the radio that really put my feelings in words.
I had not been feeling in the Christmas spirit at all and I couldn't really figure it out. I blamed it on having just moved and still having so many boxes to unpack and our house not yet feeling like a home. I heard this song and immediately texted my husband and said, "THIS, this is why I can't get in the Christmas mood. It's just not this same with out them!"
I woke up Christmas morning knowing I wouldn't be getting a "Merry Christmas" phone call from them and I cried. I got out of bed and longing to feel close to them I made my grandma's amazing death by chocolate dessert to take to Mat's family Christmas. I used the bowl that she always used... and I cried.
We went to mass at my in-law's church. During the opening song I noticed a little cardinal bird they had used to decorate sitting on a door ledge. I was fine when I only saw the one, but then I looked to the right and saw another sitting on a tree and you guessed it, I cried. I cried through most the first part of mass and just when I had stopped we got to the prayers of the faithful and father prayed for all those who had died and well I lost it again.
And I am crying as I sit here writing this thinking about tomorrow. Tomorrow we will celebrate Christmas with my mom's side of the family and there will most definitely be a void as there will be two less places at the table and two beautiful smiles missing from the pictures.